Month: May 2004
Friggin’ hot weather and I can’t stand it anymore! I am becoming delirious from the escalating heat. I can’t stand this fcuking heat and I wanna scream to let it all out. If only I can pack my bags and fly off to a place where nobody will find me. I wanna escape from the people I dun wanna see and the things I hate to do. If only I can do things the way I wanted without a care in the world. If only… Why must there be so much liability and responsibilities for me to answer to? Why can’t I just be myself? I can feel my brain throbbing within my skull and its gonna explode any moment. My brain and innards will be splattered everywhere ~ on the ceiling, on the wall, on the floor… Did I mentioned that I am getting delirious? Where is that paracetamol?
Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
Questions and Answers about Foreign Policy (and the U.S. Invasion of Iraq)(c) 2003 anarchie bunker————————————————————————
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That’s because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that’s why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That’s because the weapons are so well hidden. Don’t worry, we’ll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I’m confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn’t they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn’t want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn’t make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
A: It’s a different culture. It’s not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don’t know about you, but I don’t think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn’t matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don’t go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it’s a good country, even if that country tortures people?
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn’t that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What’s the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba’ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn’t you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China’s a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn’t a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn’t that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don’t be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn’t think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don’t have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he’s not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What’s a military coup?
A: That’s when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn’t the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn’t you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men – fifteen of them Saudi Arabians – hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings in New York and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren’t the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people’s heads and hands?
A: Yes, that’s exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people’s heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn’t the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people’s heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people’s heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It’s OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people’s hands for growing flowers, but it’s cruel if they cut off people’s hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don’t they also cut off people’s hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That’s different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don’t Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What’s the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don’t go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets – I mean, the Russians – are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we’re mad at them now. We’re also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn’t help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn’t do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn’t Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn’t that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that’s true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America’s side, anyone who opposes war is a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you’re saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
The Malay postwoman came to deliver my book today. The moment she saw Dexter, she retreated and ran to the staircase which is two doors away and from there started screaming at the top of her lungs!
I told her the dog wouldn’t bite but she wouldn’t listen and keep on screaming. Then I told her that my gate is locked and the dog can’t even touch her but nothing I said could make her quiet down.
She was creating such a din that people who don’t know might think that I am keeping a Great Dane instead of a Jack Russel!
I can only use the word EXAGGERATING to describe her course of actions!
FYI, this is NOT the first time she has delivered mail to my house and she knew that I have a dog in the first place so I didn’t understand why she need to be so ‘dramatic’ everytime she comes?
Postwoman: Mr William? Mr Williiiiiiiiam?Arrrrrgh!! (Runs away to the staircase)
Dexter: Woof! Woof! (Performed his guard dog duty and barked a few times)
Me: (Runs out from the bedroom) Ya??
Postwoman: (Screaming hysterically) Your DOG! Your DOG!
Me: He doesn’t bite.
Postwoman: (More agitated) Your DOG! Your DOG!
Me: The gate is not opened!
Postwoman: (Almost broke down into tears) Your DOG! Your DOG!
Me: (Exasperated) Picks up Dexter and put him inside the bedroom.
Postwoman: (Heaved a sign of relief) Thank you! Thank you!
My book is finally here. If only we had such compassionate leaders in our country then we wouldn’t have so much animal cruelties…
I remembered once when I had lunch with my boss at a restaurant in Orchard, I ordered Fish & Chips and him a Grilled Chicken Set.
Being a surgeon, the way he work with his fork and knife was a magnificent sight to behold!
Every cut and navigation on the chicken was executed with such fine workmanship. He obviously knew where all the tendons were and cleverly avoided them!
I watched in awe as the succulent meat was perfectly sliced at a 45 degree angle and lifted off effortlessly away from the bone.
At the end of the meal, all that was left on his plate was a very clean chicken bone without any trace of meat on it and all this while, I was fumbling clumsily with my fish which threatens to ‘fly’ off from my plate and onto the next table!
I do admit that I’m more of a chopstick-and-spoon person! LOL!
You’d turn into a lone wolf! Like a lone wolf you
can coup perfectly well by yourself and do not
feel the need for others company. However like
a wolf you were once part of a pack and you can
tolerate and get along okay with people when
met with them. You are protective and loyal to
the close friends you have but, will always be
a true loner at heart
What animal would you turn into?
brought to you by Quizilla
I just had the most terrifying haircut in my entire life!
I’m rather broke this month and can’t go to my usual salon so I went to the Malay barber near my house. The barber looked young, in his twenties with a goatee. He was rather huge and intimidating looking.
As I looked at him through the mirror, my mind started to wander.
“Is he a secret agent from Al Qaeda?”
“Could this barber shop be a false front for all their illegal activities?”
“Is there some secret passageway behind those walls where the important members are hiding and planning out their next big project – where to bomb and whom to target?”
Just then, another man came in and they started talking and laughing at the top of their lungs.
The barber was holding a shaver in his hands and turned his head to talk to the fella. All this while. his hand was holding the shaver which was waving frantically above my head!
I sink lower and lower into the seat…
My heart froze, literally! Will he decapitate me, just like how the Iraqis did with that American? Will I die an angonizing death, slow and painful or will he do it swiftly?
I prayed hard while my gaze became fixed at that fast moving blade above my head. My ordeal finally ended after 15 minutes which seemed like an eternity!
I believe the phrase ‘A Close Shave‘ applies to this situation very appropriately!