Ham Gaa Caan 咸家鏟

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Or holocaust, whatever you call it.

It all started last night, when I went to the kitchen to get a drink.

reached for the switch and as the lights flickered on, a movement on the countertop caught my attention.

A cockroach, probably out for a night snack, was scurrying away for dear life. He sped across the stove, down the cabinet
door and made a bee-line for the sewage hole.

Without hesitation, I picked up the insecticide, gave it a vigorous shake, aimed the nozzle at the sewage hole and pressed hard.

I returned to the kitchen an hour later (to get myself another drink) to be confronted by this…

The full casualty figures…

Pardon the fur, I’ve been shedding quite a fair bit these days…

I didn’t realize that there’s a whole family of them living inside the sewage hole.

Ps. meaning of “Ham Gaa Cann” here.

Home Alone

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I was really tired yesterday because I didn’t sleep a wink on Friday night. I toss and turn in bed but I just couldn’t get any sleep.

Perhaps its because my parents are going aboard without me though I can’t be sure am I feeling excited or sian about it. I went to buy breakfast for my parents at 5.30am on Saturday morning before sending them off to catch their flight.

Remember a few posts back (I’ve deleted that post already) when I mentioned that I went to the tour agency to get some travel brochures? I was actually considering Hong Kong, Bangkok and Korea but my parents had decided on China instead.

I had no interest in strange rock formations or thousand year old temples (actually, it’s because of this) so, I decided to stay home instead.

It was just my first night alone yesterday and I already had a near death encounter when the lizard decides to play a jack-in-the-box prank on me by leaping out from the tissue box. It only stop short of throwing confetti and shouting “Surprise!” to my face.

Then, I entered the kitchen and I spotted a cockroach behaving suspiciously near the sink. I yelled at it but it ignored me and kept running away leaving me with no choice but to put it to death with hot water.


The body is still there awaiting for removal at this point of typing and the parents will only be back in eight days.

I Wish I were A Little Braver…

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Remember what happened four days ago?
Read it here if you don’t.
Today, I finally summoned enough courage to pull out the TV console (okay, just a little peep behind) and this is what I found…

That filthy thing… 

Life is really unpredictable.

Four days ago, it was still alive and trapped among my forested kah moh but now, it 翘辫子 already.

I wonder why all kar chuaks have to flip over everytime they die?

Attack Of Gokuburi San Again

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I was ambushed by a cockroach last night, again.

I was using the computer in my room, when I noticed something moving about in the shadows. I turned to look but whatever that was lurking around has disappeared.

The next thing I knew, there was a tickling sensation on my leg and I feel something moving on my kah moh (leg hair).

I bend down to take a look and was just in time to see a cockroach leaping onto the floor and scurrying into the darkness (under my bed). I immediately sprang to the kitchen to grab a can of pesticide.

Back in my room, I got down on all fours to look under my bed and it did not take long to spot that filthy thing staring back at me from the shadows.

I quickly aimed the pesticide at it and pressed hard at the nozzle which released a jet of vapourous air. The cockroach made a mad rush from it’s hiding place and ran along the perimeter of the wall to hide behind the couch where I started spraying too.

Once again, the cockroach was flushed out from its hiding place and this time, it staggered its way behind the TV console.

I waited for a while but the cockroach did not emerge again. 

I went to bed, clutching tightly onto my ah beng bedroom slippers in case that bugger decide to launch another surprise attack on me.

As at this moment, I still have the cockroach behind the TV console who might or might not be dead. I’m too chicken to shift the TV Console right now.

Any volunteers to help me check if it is really dead?

Read about my previous ambush here.

Chaba Chaba Koko Ruchee

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What a appropriate video for my blog!
*thrusts torso forward and backward repeatively aka the Chaba Chaba Koko Ruchee dance*

I bet this insecticide works like a charm because all Chaba Chaba Koko Ruchees would have died laughing and flipped over on a skewer!

The Attack of Gokuburi-San

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Sometimes, I’m amazed by our inborn ability to sense danger.

Just last night, I was working on the computer when something inside tells me to turn around and behold, crouching right there on the door was the filthiest, smelliest, ugliest and largest cockroach I had ever seen.

All was well until the cockroach realised that his tracks have been uncovered. Not ready to beat a hasty retreat, the cockroach did what I feared most…















I was desperately looking around for a rolled-up newspaper that I could use to wallop that filthy thing but there was nothing within my reach that I could lay my hands on! (No, I can’t possibly fling my lappy at him!)

Bear in mind that he has cut off my escape route to the living room and I’m now cornered! 

And that’s when it happened.

The cockroach took one mighty leap into the air and began flapping its wings furiously! Just as detestful as it’s looks, those damn wings are making the nastiest flapping sound I’ve ever heard!

And worst of all, he’s making a beeline for me!

Isn’t it annoying that cockroaches seems to have a knack of knowing who’s afraid of them and will always approach the one who feared them the most? It’s almost like they can read our minds!

Isn’t that scary? Cockroaches who CAN think AND analyse?

That’s it. I have nowhere to run to and nothing to defend myself against the intruder. All I could do at that moment was to… scream.

The cockroach was fast approaching me at an alarming rate but just before it reached me,  he suddenly changed his course towards the window and landed on the grills instead. After touching down for a few seconds, the cockroach continued it’s flight out of the window and disappeared into the darkness…

I was visibly shaken to have just narrowly escaped from a flying cockroach’s ruthless attack!

Somehow, I couldn’t put my heart at ease with that monster still at large somewhere out there.

Does he have a accomplice? Is he lurking somewhere in the darkness spying on me? Or is he bidding his time to launch a second attack on me? 

Battling with evil cockroaches is a lifetime affair.

Until Gokuburi-San is apprehended and brought to justice (what’s my url again?), I shall not open my windows.

The adventures of lonely boy – Day One

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Somehow, I’ve managed to survive the first night.

I couldn’t sleep and spent the whole night patrolling the house. At around 3 am, I went to the toilet in my parents room and when I switched on the lights, I sighted no less than eight freaking baby cockroaches on the floors!

TMD!! They having Zouk Out while my parents are away is it?

I’ve gatecrashed their party with my sudden appearance and I guessed I’m not welcome because they started running in different directions the moment the lights came on!

I wasted no time and immediately spring into action! I stepped on those tiny ones with my bare foot while those slightly larger ones, I piak them with a slipper!

Normally, I do not advocate the taking of lives unneccesarily however, when it comes to cockroaches,  I can be very unforgiving.

In less than a minute, I’ve managed to exterminate all those cunning fakers. To ensure that they are not faking their own deaths, I sprayed hot water to wash them down the gutter. When it comes to such things, CANNOT ASSUME! MUST ENSURE!


The remainder of the night was spent channel surfing.

By the time I went to bed, it was already 5 am. I could hear alarm clocks ringing in the distance and people getting into their cars downstairs. I woke up at 10 am and while my subconscious is telling me to go back to sleep, my ears are trying to pick up the familiar sounds of my mum doing housework in the kitchen.

But no, all was quiet. There’s nothing stirring inside the house.

I spent the morning watching Kids Central while feeding the fishes and watering the plants in the afternoon.

I’m hungry but I’m too lazy to go out for food. The glaring sun is not encouraging me to step out of the house and there’s nothing in the fridge for me to cook up a storm as my mum stopped marketing a week ago to prepare for her trip.

The fact that someone somewhere is cooking curry when I’m feeling very hungry is not helping the situation!

I finally carried my fat ass out of the house to get some food at 5 pm when the sun is not that threatening anymore.

How will The Adventures Of Lonely Boy – Day Two turn out?

Stay tuned!

Here’s the IKEA frame with the SPCA 101 Salvations poster.

The ‘Tenants’

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Hey, I would like to dedicate the following song to my new tenants. Yes, I have TWO new tenants… in my cupboard.

Tenant No. 1

Tenant No. 2
nabu No kar chuar or lizards were harmed in the making.  Just a very traumatised hooman…


lost in translation

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(Please activate View >> Encoding >> Chinese Simplified)

There have been several requests for me to translate the previous entry into english, so with the help of Babelfish, the text has been translated into the following: 

“With Arab League strong war Most recent several days, in the family has come a new inhabitant. His name is called Arab League to be strong. Certainly is not very ripe but actually has bumped several surface with him in the kitchen. Said, we also are have several reasons. He long black, hands and feet very many infant, how is the appearance not attractive. I to his also no favorable impression but, each time as soon as step into the kitchen to be able to remember him, wants to know he is at. Possibly this is the so-called fate? Ha ha! The majority of time, we all are evening meet by chance in the kitchen. In daytime very ugly to him. He very is perhaps busy. Last night, we met in the kitchen. My heart “splash splash” jumping, the face has been also red. Center, the entire people all have been unconsciously anxious. Our each other all did not know should say any is good, only is silently is staring at opposite party. Crossed good period of time, I finally gave a thought to the courage, wanted to tell the heart in speech he. I have attracted a tone, said to him, “has the classification to run!” Receives, I took up the stick to hit toward his on! He was hurried jumps from the cabinet down sneaked in under the refrigerator. I go all out to spurt the pesticide toward the refrigerator under as soon as to move until him also motionless. I won! He but my this week does second “Arab League is strong!” . Heh heh! I am very fierce?”

onion_rain_black“My heart “splash splash” jumping”?  ROFL!  I almost fell off the chair when I read it!

So the conclusion is… don’t embarrass yourself with Babelfish

Go master the language yourself!

I guess if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.  So, I translated the previous entry manually:

The fight with “*A-Keong

A new tenant came a few days ago.

His name was “*A-Keong.”  I don’t know him very well but we’ve met a few times in the kitchen.  He’s quite tanned, rather hairy on the limbs, and he wasn’t very good looking too.  I wasn’t very fond of him yet whenever I stepped into the kitchen, I’m reminded of him and I would wonder where he was. 

Could this be what they call fate?


Most of the time, we’d run into each other in the kitchen at night.  It’s quite hard to see him around during daytime hence, I guess he must be very busy.

Last night, we met in the kitchen again

My heart was beating furiously and blood was rushing up my cheeks.  I’m getting very nervous!

None of us spoke a word and we just stared at each other.

After an awkard silence, I decided to pluck up my courage and let him know how I felt about him.

I took a deep breath and said, “Don’t run if you’ve got guts!!”

With that, I picked up a rod and aimed for his head mercilessly.  In the scuffle that followed, he jumped down from the cupboard and scrambled his way underneath the fridge where I can’t reach him.

I sprayed insecticide until he finally stopped moving.

I’ve won the battle!  That was the second “*A-Keong” I’ve gotten rid of this week.

Heehee! Am I good or what?

*A-Keong – A popular nickname for a cockroach.

spring cleaning my room

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The whole day was dedicated to spring-cleaning my filthy bedroom for CNY.

I have re-arranged all the furniture and shifted my bed away from the cursed mirror which has cut my foot twice ever since my mama shifted my bed there.

Now my bedroom looks neater and slightly more spacious than before.

I have squashed 3 wretched babies cockroaches at different times of the day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon and one just a while ago.

Now you know how filthy my bedroom really is? I think they are the babies of the two adult cockroaches which I got my mama to ‘settle for me.

I even watched one of the adults grew up as a baby as it has been cohabiting with me in my room for quite sometimes but this ‘tenant is very elusive and good at running away from me. So much so that when she finally fell into my mama’s clutches, she has already grown from a gal into a woman.

But too bad she’s a cockroach and not some furry hamster so DIE, cockroach, DIE! I won’t feel anything even if you’re squished, squashed, trampled, wadeva, etc?

Amitabha, zui guo, zui guo

To tell the truth, I’m terrified of cockroaches, especially the flying ones! I will run very fast, jump very high and I WILL scream.

I find that they look damn gross and disgusting. God knows what/where/whom they have climbed over before? Eeeeee?